A chance discovery on a Sydney bus has sent shockwaves around the world of children’s television - Humphrey B Bear is gay.

This revelation surfaced in a humble wallet, left on a suburban bus last night and found by its driver. A quick search revealed the owner’s ID … and a membership card for a gay organisation. Also found were some photos of Humphrey with another male television character, in a pose clearly unsuitable for broadcast to Humphrey’s young fans.

Humphrey’s refusal to wear pants has been of concern to many parents for some time; this revelation of his habits can only add to those concerns. Investigations are now under way into Humphrey’s relationship with Donald Duck, who also fails to wear pants.

I wrote this fictional newspaper story as part of an exercise on a writing course, and thought I’d share it. Surely I’m not the only one who finds it oddly amusing that so many children’s TV characters are depicted with clothes on their upper bodies, but naked from the waist down?